Many years ago a patient came regularly to my clinical psychology office and did in-depth individual therapy working on her childhood, her work life and her love life. She made progress in psychotherapy, her life improved and she stopped coming.
Then one day I bumped into her at the supermarket. Several days later she called to ask if it would be possible to do couples counseling alone with her. Her French husband felt uncomfortable about seeing a psychologist but still wanted my help as a therapist to weather their marital crisis.
The wife came in alone and brought me up-to-date on how her life had been since terminating psychotherapy years before. Quickly we focused on the couple’s difficulties which by the following session were totally out in the open. Parents of two small children, yet thinking they would have to divorce, husband and wife began to inventory their furniture to split it between them. At the next session, she recounted that they both broke down in tears and expressed their commitment to use therapy to transform their marriage.
Each week the woman came alone and left with a page of ideas we worked on together in her therapy session drawn from research in psychology on couples. At home she and her husband discussed and practiced these tools, ones that therapists usually show couples who consult together. The couple reached a positive turning point rapidly and the wife discontinued therapy. Last I heard they had purchased a larger home with an additional bedroom for their new baby.
If your couple is in trouble and you are still hesitating to get counseling help because one of you can’t imagine coming to the psychologist’s office, perhaps it is time to re-consider using a different format for therapy.
Debra BERG, The Bilingual Psychologist in Paris